August 28, 2011

Ditch the Bra and Show Nipple

Why are nipples so offensive?
I could never stand how Sarah Jessica Parker's presumably sexually liberated character in Sex and the City would always wear a bra during sex. But then there I was, one among the likes of hers; wearing a bra having sex with my husband. -- A pad cushioned nursing bra, that is, lest my breastmilk drench all of him and our bed.

Bra burning women is a myth but has become a thing to represent feminist women of the sixties and seventies.

I've always loved to sunbathe topless and never liked the restraining feel of bras. Unless I was exercising, I'd walk around brafree.

But then I became a mom. A breastmilk-leaking-mom. From practically never wearing a bra I found myself constantly wearing one -- a padded bra at that; and day and night. For three whole years.

August 21, 2011

Indie Porn Maker Stands up for Mothers' Sex

Becoming MILF
Before becoming the currently much hyped about porn-star-slash-breastfeeding-in-public-advocate, and even before she herself was pregnant, indie porn maker Madison Young created a film titled Pregnant With Desire (2010) to inspire ways in which couples can stay connected during pregnancy and after. 

Then shortly after she herself gave birth in March, Madison launched the art exhibit "Becoming MILF" highlighting our culture's warped Madonna/whore ideas about women's sexuality. (MILF was popularized by the horny boys in the teen movie American Pie; in mainstream porn it has become a sub genre that stands for "Mothers I'd Like To Fuck). Reads the description for Madison's "Becoming MILF" exhibit:

August 14, 2011

Children and Their Genitals: Fostering a Positive Relationship

(This article was originally published at Show Off Books, a Canadian press that "aims to empower women and men by presenting, through the publication of books and other media, the reality of the human body.")

I'll Show You Mine
In 2008 the medical group Surgicare (UK) saw a threefold increase in labiaplasty over the previous year, and inquiries rose sevenfold in three years. Most women asking for the surgery were in their late teens or early 20s, though as young as 10 or 11. In almost all cases, requests came from women with completely healthy vulvas, but seeking more “attractive” genitals. (Round Up: Cosmetic Surgery, Reproductive Health Matters 2010)

Now read that again: Girls as young as ten or eleven are thinking they should have their labia fixed?! As Wrenna Robertson writes in her foreword to I’ll Show You Mine (2011), imagery has the power to define reality, and so too does language. What we need today are positive and honest images and narratives of the amazing variety of female bodies and genitals in shape, size, color and texture—not just aimed at adults, but at children and youth as well.

I'll Show You Mine
A former college professor who taught women studies among other subjects, and who is the mother of a toddler daughter, I feel the acute pressure to empower my daughter to nurture a positive relationship with all of her body, including her genitals.

August 7, 2011

Talking to Your Kids About Your Sex Toys

Vibrators for me and we
I was recently approached by adult sex educator and editor of Good Vibrations Magazine, Dr. Charlie Glickman, with a question on how to talk about your sex toys with your kids. As Quizzical mama, I contribute to this magazine's Sexy Mama column and have also published excerpts from my book on new porn by women at the magazine.

I include the full version of Glickman's post in which he features my response to his question.

What Do I Tell My Child About Sex Toys?

I recently got the following email. Since I’m not a parent, I thought I’d ask a couple of our Sexy Mama writers for their insight. Check out their replies below.


My seven-year old noticed that I had a Good Vibrations sweatshirt, and she asked me, “What’s Good Vibrations, Mama?” I stammered something like, “It’s an adult toy store.” “Oh! What are adult toys?”

She’s asked me this several times, and I have no idea how to respond. We’ve talked about all the parts of her body, we’ve talked about masturbation and how it feels good but that it needs to be done in private. She knows where her clitoris is. ;) She knows about menstruation, and that babies grow in the mother’s uterus and come out through the vagina, but she doesn’t know how the baby gets there yet.

I managed to tell her that one “adult toy” was a massager that a woman uses on her clitoris to make it feel good, and she wanted to know more. I need words to tell her age-appropriate information without making anything too complicated. Help!